Single Summer

Yesterday I flew to San Francisco, and on my flight I had some time to think about my summer. It didn’t exactly start off as planned. In fact, it kinda sucked. I was dating a guy, I really liked him, but it just wasn’t right. We broke up before the summer even started, before we could go on any of the trips, weddings or vacations that were on our calendars. But, instead of jumping into a relationship with someone else to make me feel better, or dating for the sake of dating, I stayed single. Which, in New York, is definitely a decision.  And I have to say, it was kinda great.

So without further ado, here are my top favorite things that I learned during my single summer:

1.  Spending time by myself is fun. I know this sounds obvious, but I’m a really social person and I never really thought I could have as much fun by myself as I could with someone else.  But now… I really can’t think of anything better than going to a movie, getting my own popcorn and seeing whatever cheesy movie I want, totally alone.

2.  Going to weddings solo is effing fun. Yes, really. You get to dance with anyone you want, you get to meet way more people than you would otherwise and to be honest, you get a lot more attention:)

3. (Cue Beyoncé’s Independent Woman) Being single is empowering. As clichéd as it sounds, saying no to dates, saying no to feeling bad about being single, saying yes to putting yourself first, focusing on your career – it all feels really good. 

4.  I learned things. I find dating to be distracting, but this summer I had time to learn a lot about what I’m looking for, who I am, and what my goals are– because I had to time to do so. Which is a lot more than I can say about the last few years combined.

5.  My focus shifted. All of a sudden I’m taking pie classes, photography classes, going on trips to visit my girlfriends, focusing on work, and all of my anxiety about dating has disappeared. 

So tell me, does any of this ring true to you? I’d love to hear!

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11 comments

  1. It does! I had a similar issue with my most recent exboyfriend, and was NOT able to define my career b/c I spent a lot of time babysitting him, who was very controlling. He also drank way too much. Once I got the strength to brake it off, however, I was able to do a lot of things that were personally beneficial for me, as well as to focus on my career rather than on his behavior, and his ongoing demands that I do what he wanted me to do all the time. For what it is worth, your posts this summer makes clear to me that a person can be a lot more radiant, happy and articulate if you are not coupled with a guy who is not encouraging your own independence and personal and professional growth. I do think I will be in a decent relationship eventually, but I will NOT rush into anything just so that I can be “coupled” with a dude who is not the right person for me. Sorry for the long post, but I thought it was important to call out these important points!

  2. These thoughts totally ring true – almost a little too much! Time alone is so good to really learn about what makes you tick, what you value the most and want to be able to share with someone – as well as, time alone allows you to go do whatever you want. You get to be an adventurer with no one else’s schedule getting in the way – and that is rather fun. I also think through all of that so much development happens, and when the time is right that other person will come along and be able to come right alongside of you – not take you away from all that makes you, you – or at least I would like to think that is how it will work. Love the post – thanks for sharing!
    Much love,
    B

  3. I’m a Mother of five,married 26 years.And lately my husband has been hedging on our relationship!He stays gone to foreign exotic locals,for work(once for five months!)He says I’m always looking at other guys(18-80!)After all this time and in defense of my self and my innocence I told him divorce me!Well that’s about what our relationship has been reduced to,and I’m still a Mother of five now grown kids,a caregiver to my elderly cancer stricken Mother(she has three kinds,one being the I.R.S.!)LOL And working as a volunteer to get our first Dem.Mayor (Sen.Bob Filner)in 25yrs.here in S.D.Ca.,as well a Community Team Leader for the O.F.A. to get my cousin Barack Obama re-elected.I have to say it’s kept me sane,and I will continue to grow,with or without a husband that doesn’t support me,or feel responsible for our family problems.He escapes into his computer world,(only God knows where he goes!)I’ve seen some of the sights men pa-rouse! I’d rather take my chances in the real world,fighting for real causes!Not just because I want to find excuses for my short comings,and failures.That takes too much time,that could be better used living a real life!Finally my own,and I alone am responsible for my happiness!

    • I agree with this. I say you go GURL! You are doing things right by taking classes and doing things that complete you. Besides, your baking skills are going to be even better after you complete those classes. You already know how to cook, how to eat well, how to exercise and how to look great. With all of that going for you, I am sure you will land a guy who will be all that you need!

  4. It really pays off. Back in 1995 I decided to stop dating, socializing (with the opposite sex) and anything that might lead to me becoming attracted to someone. I went to museums, took dance lessons, read a lot of books, hung out with gfs. All the things I would put on the back burner. Then in 1998, I started dating a friend …..we’ve married for 13 years. I enjoyed those 3 years. I’m not saying be single for 3 years but you learn so much about yourself. Trust me and u end up marrying your best friend.

    • This turned out great for you but how did you manage to go without any kind of sec or intimacy for 3 years? That sounds very difficult because once you have experienced it it is hard not to do it again, at least for me. Laney, do what is right for you.

  5. im so excited to have found your blog and then to read this post! I tell all my single girlfriends the same thing when they lament about not being married yet- and its this- marriage is hard! you can’t always do what you want or get what you want- you have someone else to consider in almost every decision you make- from vacations to is-it-fair-for-me-to-buy-this-new-purse. So I say- enjoy it! you have all your life to be married and only this time to be young, smart, beautiful and without any attachments. I’m very happily married but i think it’s partly because i was very happily single. probably those happy pheremones 😉


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